Title: Why Him?
Length: 1178 words
A/N: i dont know what to say about this~
It took a while for each boy to come to terms with what was happening around them, they couldn’t accept it. It was hard for them, to lose someone like that. It was hard for them to understand why, out of all people, God had to take away him
They tend to stay up late at nights and all invade Yunho’s room. They would sit around on his empty bed and talk about where they were when the news was announced, what they did before and after, and what they miss most about him.
Yoochun would always start with saying “He was more than a brother to me, he was apart of me, he would smile when smiling wasn’t worth it, he would make me believe when there was nothing to believe in, he would make me laugh when the world was silent. I was, I think I was writing a song when I heard the news. I cried the instant the words came out of Yunho’s mouth, for days after I couldn’t bare to even look at the sky and now? Now we have to face it head on” He would whimper a little bit and Changmin would rub his back comfortingly and Yoochun would look back and holding his tears would whisper “I can’t do this”
Changmin, as if there was a secret list that no one knew, would reply instantly always replying the same words, always the same amount of emotion “I miss him. So much more than I will ever miss another human being, so much more than I thought I would. He, he meant so much to me, and I never got to tell him that. I miss his cooking, his motherly warmth, his weird random rock moments, I miss his nagging and I miss his laugh. I was eating food he had prepared for me when I heard the news from Yoochun. I, I couldn’t handle it and I’m sorry hyung” He would throw a look Yoochun’s way “I didn’t mean to give you that black eye”
“It’s okay Min, I understand” Yoochun would reply, rubbing his right eye with a smile.
“I’m scared about what tomorrow holds, I’m scared for what life holds now. Tomorrow I don’t think I will be able to last the funeral” Changmin would smile a little bit, but his emotion would come out loud and clear and he would tear up uncontrollably, wiping his tears away as fast as he could and sniffling ever so often.
Junsu would look at the YooMin couple and wonder why he wasn’t having the same reaction. Taking a deep breathe he would whisper “I am so calm
right now that it is scaring me. Why am I not crying like Yoochun is, or scared like Changmin is, I am just stuck I guess. Stuck in this universe where it wasn’t him who died, it wasn’t anyone I know. It was just another random. Gunned down and we didn’t know him. It wasn’t someone with such a big impact, it wasn’t someone important. It wasn’t him. I’m going to miss his nature the most I think. I was driving to go pick him and Yunho up when I heard the news from Changmin. I didn’t know what to do” Junsu would finally show some emotion, a little tear would fall “I just, I just stopped and tried to breathe but I couldn’t. Nothing would fix this, nothing”
Yunho, who was always silent as the rest of the members poured their heart out would always look as if he was in pain and he probably was the hurt one out of all of them. He was with him; he was the last person to see him alive, to talk to him, to be with him. Yunho would always start the same way “You guys are lucky…”
The others would turn to him instantly and quieten their own tears to hear Yunho’s.
“You didn’t have to watch him die, you didn’t have to hold him in your arms as he bled his way to death, you didn’t have to scream and cry and fight off fan girls as the ambulance came. You guys just heard the news, you didn’t have to be there. The first person I called was Yoochun, not sure why. I don’t think I even said anything to him except those three words.” Yunho would look over to Yoochun who nodded and tried to smile “He told Changmin who told Junsu and I don’t know. It just doesn’t feel like he’s gone just yet you know?”
The others would nod at him
“I think, I’m going to miss just being with him on a whole. Seeing him laugh, seeing him be all obsessed with his hair, just being with him. There will never be another person like him and I just…” Yunho would never finish what he would say; his tears would just be too uncontrollable. He would be bought into a tight hug by the other three, and scattered around the small room they would fall asleep.
Because they needed to know that they were still there, that they were breathing and were alive. They needed the reassurance that the four of them are still alive, they couldn’t bare to lose another brother.
Before any of them had any chance of putting their thoughts together they were pushed into the spotlight, hosting the funeral that none of them were ready to hold. Yunho would smile like the leader he was, but die inside. Yoochun would cry and try to hold it in, but he knew he couldn’t. Junsu would look away and Changmin would just stand and look at the floor. None of them knew what to do, what to say or how to act.
They shared a eulogy, although it wasn’t finished. None of them had the strength to say the words, none of them wanted to believe them, once the words come out of their mouths, it is as if, by some weird magic that it finally becomes true and none of them wanted that.
They sat in the front row and sat silent as they watched friends, family and other SM Town members come up and pay their respects. It was finally time to put the coffin into the ground. Yoochun, Changmin, Heechul, Hyunjoong and Seunghyun (TOP from Big Bang) dug the whole themselves, spending a good part of the morning making it perfect.
Changmin began to tear up again and called out “WHY?!” Yoochun shocked into the reality stood up and shouted “I DON’T UNDERSTAND!” Junsu, emotion finally decided to kick in now “WHY OUT OF ALL PEOPLE!!”
Yunho looked up sullenly and ghostly drifting towards the coffin he looked in. Jaejoong lay, arms across his chest, a small smile on his face. The white suit suited him perfectly and Yunho smiled as he put his fingers to the wood. He began in a whisper “Why…did you…have to…die?”
He began to bang on the wood, causing it to shake “WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE?!”